How to survive Valentine’s Day if you are single

If you are happily in love, this article is not for you.

However, my therapist and my mother think that I should practice being kind and open if I ever want to be in a relationship again. So, yes. You can continue reading. Anyway, we never know when love will suddenly walk away from us and leave us all alone, so we have no other option but to join the “single but alive” surviving group again… I’m being dramatic, in case you haven’t noticed yet.

So, you thought you were saved, that Christmas was over and finally, you could rest from these awfully established dates by the Marketing industry, and BOOM! Valentine’s Day in ten days. Just now, that you finally broke with your ex (for the umpteenth time), that your lover is on vacation and far away from the island, and your friends, lost for an indefinite time in the world of Netflix.

But hey! This article is not about being sad; it is about how not to get worse. First of all, touch your wrist with your fingers and look for your pulse. If it’s beating, there’s still hope. If not… I have friends who could help you. Now, follow these simple instructions without cheating, and you could make it to the 15 February as if nothing had happened. I trust in you!

DON’T GO TO THE MOVIES

Let’s be clear on this: I have nothing against going to the cinema alone, in fact, it is being my case lately. But do not go the 14th, for God’s sake! Leave it for those who have someone that holds the popcorn for them, and watch a movie at home, call the neighbour, coordinate on Skype with a friend… It can be a very strong shock to see how all the half-oranges are rolling around while you’re crawling over the hall’s carpet without leaving any traces of dignity and eating whatever you find in the way.

DON’T CALL YOUR EX

Whatever the situation you are in—and however critical it may be—: Don’t call your ex. Don’t call your ex… DON’T CALL YOUR EX! (It’s not me who’s writing, but the united spirit of all your best friends who want the best for you and are witches enough to make a ritual and possess my body, just to leave you this practical advice). Call them, or even better, go out with them, they deserve it after all. And they are so beautiful by the way!

DO SOMETHING THAT YOU REALLY LIKE

After all, the only way to surf this cheesy, colossal wave is going with the flow and being romantic… with you. Buy that special thing that you thought it was a bit too expensive, order some sushi or pizza delivery, turn some candles on, and why not throwing away all the things that—as Mary Kondo would say—don’t spark joy for you anymore (or burn them, she’s not watching anyway… Or is she?)

If you’ve read until here, it means that there are strong chances that you’ll survive next week. Take it easy, or don’t (in which case, will you invite me to the party?).

P.D: If by any chance you know the guy from the picture, please let him know that I’ll be free next Thursday, just chillin’

 

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Also published on Medium.

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